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Wedding Planning Ideas Articles |
Dealing With Conflict at Your Child's WeddingYour Child Here's how you deal with 99% of the wedding conflicts you will have with your child: back off. It's his or her day, the wedding couple is the center of attention, and they get to have things the way they want it. Your role is to support and help, shell out money, and smile. This time, you are serving them. If your feelings get hurt, talk to someone who is not involved with the wedding, but don't let it affect the wedding. As Dr. Phil says, choose to be the hero, and let it go. A few conflicts must be dealt with; usually this has to do with how much money mom and/or dDad will spend on the wedding. This is your decision, so set your budget and communicate it clearly and then hold to it. Allow the wedding couple to make changes in how the money is spent but not on how much money you will contribute. For instance, if you've agreed to spend $750 on the reception, and they decide they would rather use that money toward the honeymoon, let them but don't give them more money for the reception. Communicate your limits clearly, but with kindness and grace, and refuse to argue about it after that. Your Spouse or Ex Even if you're currently married to your child's other parent, and you're madly in love with him or her, the stress around a child's wedding provides fertile ground for conflict. You also have some normal developmental things to deal with that go with marrying off a child, such as loss - losing a child, a role, a relationship, a stage of life. These will all be replaced with something better, but most of us still experience at least some degree of loss. The best way to deal with these conflicts is to make your marriage, not your child's, your priority. Schedule extra time for you and your spouse to connect and do things together. Talk through your concerns and feelings. Nurture and support one another. If you are not currently married to your child's other parent, then there's a potential for serious conflict, especially if you do not get along together. Anticipate and prepare for these problems, keeping in mind that your child's wedding, not your failed relationship, is the priority. The first step is to talk openly and honestly with your child and his/her partner about it. Do they want step-parents at the wedding? What part do they see each parent or step-parent playing? Do they have concerns about how you and your ex will act? Listen non-judgmentally and without being defensive, and ask them what they would like to see happen. Give them as much of what they want as you can, and if they want things that you cannot give, respectfully tell them that. Don't explain or make the other parent a villain, simply offer thoughtful suggestions. For instance, if your son wants you and your ex to sit together in the front row, and it's just more than you can manage, you might respectfully suggest that each of you sit at an end of the first row, with grandparents between you. As much as possible, though, put your own feelings aside and do whatever it takes to make your child's wedding special. You may have to negotiate with your ex to make sure that your conflict doesn't make it into the wedding. You may even need a mediator to help you work things out. If that's what it takes, do it. Your Future In-Laws Honestly, most conflicts between the wedding couple's parents have to do with control issues. The groom's mother wants to do one thing, and the bride's mother wants something completely different. Most if these wedding conflicts are between the moms. There are several ways to deal with them:
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